Maybe I’ll try to resurrect this blog (it was dead? Yes, for quite some time) as a journal of random thoughts ala Rinkworks’ I Think or AJDaGreat’s Random Thoughts. I’m rarely clever or brief, so it’ll be a healthy challenge for me. I’ll begin with those I wrote long ago in “Random Thoughts of Dubious Value” (formerly “Random Thoughts of Staggering Genius”):

I Hate Christmas - Actually, I just hate the way it’s done. With Christmas, I celebrate my Savior’s earthly birth. But He was not born on Dec. 25th, and He didn’t tell anyone to throw parties, give presents, sing carols, visit family, or put shiny balls on small trees. These things aren’t bad, but I hate being forced into them every year. I swear, one year I’m going to write a note in October to everyone I know saying, “Please do not buy me a gift or expect one from me. Do not invite me anywhere or expect an invitation from me. Thank you. Merry Christmas.” Don’t get me wrong; gifts are awesome - but Christmas today isn’t about gifts, it’s about exchanges. Very poor, inefficient, uncomfortable trades. Out of the dozen gifts I revieve each Christmas, usually two are fewer are things I want. For the rest, I must painfully feign pleasure. I always ask people what they want and give them exactly that. I really think they’re happier than I am because of it. Why don’t we stop giving gifts, keep our money, and buy ourselves exactly what we want on Christmas? Wouldn’t everybody be happier that way instead of getting what they don’t want and spending money on gifts other people don’t want? Makes sense to me. Bah! Humbug!

Duh! Men Like Sluts - I always hear terms like ’slut’ and ‘blow queen’ alongside ‘bad reputation.’ I suspect most warm-blooded males secretly see it as a simultaneously ‘good’ reputation. While it suggests undesirable qualities like infidelity and perhaps disease, such vast experience inevitably develops considerable skill - what is unquestionably the most marketable skill on the planet, and I’m not just talking about streets corners or vidoes.

No Jet Lag For The King! - You know how kings and emperors of old did whatever they wanted for their own pleasure? Well, I think that if that were still true today, and a king ruled an empire that spanned several time zones, and he took high-speed jets from place to place about his empire, he could set it up so he never had jet lag. Everywhere he went, everyone else would have to adjust to the time of the place the King was coming from while the King was in town. The King couldn’t control the sun, but imagine the King arriving at dusk when it was noon to him; everyone would keep their shops open, work in the fields, eat lunch. Nine hours later (at dawn), everyone would close up shop and go to sleep, then wake up again at noon to eat breakfast and get working again, just so the king never had ‘jet lag.’ I think that would be the most entertaining and complicated abuse of Royal Power ever.

Babies Making Babies - sexually active 12-14 year olds are almost universally critisized for ‘not being ready.’ But, humans are designed to be sexually active near the age of 13, and were married or ‘coupled’ at that age for the majority of human history. It is the fault of parents, educational institutions, and governments that have slowed the maturation of youth enough to put a decade between physical maturity and emotional/intellectual maturity where they used to be joined. But these three groups are the ones who complain the most about the situation. Go figure.

Liking Boobs Doesn’t Make Me Shallow - People who often prefer appearances over personality, character, or intelligence are often called ’shallow,’ meaning they have inferior tastes and perspective. But to me, appearance, personality, character, and intelligence are all equal facets of an earthly human being. Genetics and upbringing build all four. All four can be developed or neglected. All four reflect personal style. All four require effort. Why is it inferior to put more weight on appearance and give the others secondary importance, rather than focusing on personality or intelligence and neglecting appearance? Nonsense. And if I prefer one thing and you prefer the other, then that’s just fine. I guess all I’m trying to say is that I love boobies better than brains and that’s okay!

I promise the new ones will be shorter, funnier, and less useful. And if you believe that, I’ve got some dodo insurance I’d like to sell you…