Hero.

Okay, not quite, but click: Classic Films for Download.

The brand-spankin’-new Constitution of Bhutan (pdf). It’s amazing how much of it is ripped straight from the U.S. Constitution considering how different a nation Bhutan is. Article 7, entitled ‘Fundamental Rights’ contains declarations like “A Bhutanese citizen shall have the right to life, liberty, and security of person…” and “…freedom of speech, opinion, and expression” and “conscience and religion” and “There shall be freedom of the press…” etc. The coolest part about all this is that Article 8 is called ‘Fundamental Duties’. It only has 11 points compared to the 21 of ‘Fundamental Rights’, but it’s pretty sweet (read: ‘un-American’):

1. A Bhutanese citizen shall preserve, protect and defend the sovereignty, integrity, security and unity of Bhutan and render national service when called upon to do so.
[snip]
3. A Bhutanese citizen shall foster tolerance, mutual respect and spirit of brotherhood amongst the people of Bhutan transcending religious, linguistic, regional or sectional diversities.
[snip]
6. A person shall have the responsibility to provide help, to the greatest possible extent, to victims of accidents and in times of natural calamity.

Etc. I could argue with the specifics, but why doesn’t the U.S. have a ‘Bill of Responsibilities’? Because we’re lazy-ass Americans and we proclaim Uncle Sam the Greatest Man to Ever Live when he bitch-slaps Hitler or walks on the moon but we wouldn’t normally give him the time of day, especially if he wants us to get off the couch a second. That’s a little harsh, and Americans in general seem to do pretty well giving and serving without a ‘Bill of Responsibilities’ but I think it’d be worth looking into. Not that anyone will. We’ve got bigger problems right now.

There is a good link in this post. You won‘t find it. . . . yes, even I hate me.

What does a porn star do for fun on his day off? I suppose he picks the sleep out of his eyes at 5 AM, gets stuck behind a garbage truck in rush hour traffic, endures an hour of Paris Hilton talk at the water cooler, comes home to burnt meatloaf, scrubs his kid’s banana vomit out of the carpet, and quietly jacks off in bed so he can fall asleep next to his slightly bearded wife, who has a headache. Actually, the poor guy never has a day off, so I offered to trade with him for a few days and I’m just wondering what he’s doing with his vacation while I’m boning Jenna Jameson.

Maybe I’ll try to resurrect this blog (it was dead? Yes, for quite some time) as a journal of random thoughts ala Rinkworks’ I Think or AJDaGreat’s Random Thoughts. I’m rarely clever or brief, so it’ll be a healthy challenge for me. I’ll begin with those I wrote long ago in “Random Thoughts of Dubious Value” (formerly “Random Thoughts of Staggering Genius”):

I Hate Christmas - Actually, I just hate the way it’s done. With Christmas, I celebrate my Savior’s earthly birth. But He was not born on Dec. 25th, and He didn’t tell anyone to throw parties, give presents, sing carols, visit family, or put shiny balls on small trees. These things aren’t bad, but I hate being forced into them every year. I swear, one year I’m going to write a note in October to everyone I know saying, “Please do not buy me a gift or expect one from me. Do not invite me anywhere or expect an invitation from me. Thank you. Merry Christmas.” Don’t get me wrong; gifts are awesome - but Christmas today isn’t about gifts, it’s about exchanges. Very poor, inefficient, uncomfortable trades. Out of the dozen gifts I revieve each Christmas, usually two are fewer are things I want. For the rest, I must painfully feign pleasure. I always ask people what they want and give them exactly that. I really think they’re happier than I am because of it. Why don’t we stop giving gifts, keep our money, and buy ourselves exactly what we want on Christmas? Wouldn’t everybody be happier that way instead of getting what they don’t want and spending money on gifts other people don’t want? Makes sense to me. Bah! Humbug!

Duh! Men Like Sluts - I always hear terms like ’slut’ and ‘blow queen’ alongside ‘bad reputation.’ I suspect most warm-blooded males secretly see it as a simultaneously ‘good’ reputation. While it suggests undesirable qualities like infidelity and perhaps disease, such vast experience inevitably develops considerable skill - what is unquestionably the most marketable skill on the planet, and I’m not just talking about streets corners or vidoes.

No Jet Lag For The King! - You know how kings and emperors of old did whatever they wanted for their own pleasure? Well, I think that if that were still true today, and a king ruled an empire that spanned several time zones, and he took high-speed jets from place to place about his empire, he could set it up so he never had jet lag. Everywhere he went, everyone else would have to adjust to the time of the place the King was coming from while the King was in town. The King couldn’t control the sun, but imagine the King arriving at dusk when it was noon to him; everyone would keep their shops open, work in the fields, eat lunch. Nine hours later (at dawn), everyone would close up shop and go to sleep, then wake up again at noon to eat breakfast and get working again, just so the king never had ‘jet lag.’ I think that would be the most entertaining and complicated abuse of Royal Power ever.

Babies Making Babies - sexually active 12-14 year olds are almost universally critisized for ‘not being ready.’ But, humans are designed to be sexually active near the age of 13, and were married or ‘coupled’ at that age for the majority of human history. It is the fault of parents, educational institutions, and governments that have slowed the maturation of youth enough to put a decade between physical maturity and emotional/intellectual maturity where they used to be joined. But these three groups are the ones who complain the most about the situation. Go figure.

Liking Boobs Doesn’t Make Me Shallow - People who often prefer appearances over personality, character, or intelligence are often called ’shallow,’ meaning they have inferior tastes and perspective. But to me, appearance, personality, character, and intelligence are all equal facets of an earthly human being. Genetics and upbringing build all four. All four can be developed or neglected. All four reflect personal style. All four require effort. Why is it inferior to put more weight on appearance and give the others secondary importance, rather than focusing on personality or intelligence and neglecting appearance? Nonsense. And if I prefer one thing and you prefer the other, then that’s just fine. I guess all I’m trying to say is that I love boobies better than brains and that’s okay!

I promise the new ones will be shorter, funnier, and less useful. And if you believe that, I’ve got some dodo insurance I’d like to sell you…

I remember hating sentence diagrams when I was in middle school, but I don’t remember them being that painful. (Above: The last sentence of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, diagrammed.)

It’s becoming increasingly true that all someone needs to steal your entire identity is your social security number, which you seem to be required to give to just about anyone: employers, schools, etc. I recently downloaded my W2 for Best Buy, where I worked last year, from w2express.com because they did not send me one in the mail. I went to the site and entered my social security number. However, I had no idea what my PIN was. I tried one version of my birthrate, that didn’t work. I tried a piece of my social security number, and that wasn’t correct either, so I was directed to a PIN number reset page. I was prompted to enter an email address so I could be assisted in the future, so I did. In Firefox, I was then brought to a page that said I’d used my ‘back’ browser button (I hadn’t) and that wasn’t allowed. I clicked on “bring me back to what I was doing” and it brought me to the page where I could download my W2 for Best Buy, without ever having to enter a PIN number. All someone would have to do to get my W2 is enter my social and provide two random, totally incorrect guesses at my PIN number. It’s not that much harder to do a lot more harm at banks and elsewhere armed with just a social security number.